I'm not even sure what to call this post. Where I'm going with it, or what I hope to feel after. All I know is that I need to clear my mind.
I'm feeling little ... Not sure. Odd. Depressed. Alone. Scared. Confused. Overwhelmed.
Feeling a little lost.
Right now nothing seems to be going right. The whole family unit feels ... Un-Unified...
I feel that I'm lacking as a wife, mother and house keeper. Scratch that... I KNOW I'm lacking in those departments.
As a mother I feel like a baby sitter. I often feel disconnected from the boys. Going through the motions day to day. Just hanging on until bedtime... Most days remind me of how it was when G was a baby and I was in the grips of PND. I'm wasting away some of the most beautiful times of their lives.
As a wife I feel like a housemate. I feel disconnected from him. I guess I have pulled away a bit as I get worried what he would think/feel with the craziness that's overwheming my mind of late.
As a housewife I feel like a slacker. I wish I was on top it all, all the time. But I'm not. I know the boys mess up a lot of what do, but I know I should be trying harder. I just slip into this state and its the last thing that I want to do.
So tonight marks the end to another weekend. Tomorrow the start of yet another week of fake smiles, hurried home to hide away again.