Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Raising gentle boys in a rough world

As my boys get older, the more I start to realise just how rough the world is. As a child you have huge blinders on courtesy of your parents. They have protected you from the evils until you have been mature enough to start processing and handling the world on your own.

Nothing changes your world view quite like having children. I didn't think of the consequences of most of my actions, or generally the world around me before kids. Well I did, but nothing like I do since having the boys. Now that I'm the one providing the blinders - I need to see so much more. I need to see to be able to best protect them from harm. Even just this afternoon I had to defend A against a bully at school who was standing over him at the toilets.

I have 2 very different boys. As babies they were almost spitting image. Almost that same weight (100g difference), almost the same height. Looked the same. But as they have grown into their personalities - and at least at this point they are like chalk and cheese.

G is my now 5 year old. He is so kind and gentle. He is selfless and sweet. Its almost like he spends his days just trying to find a way to make the people around him happy. He is not a rough boy, quite the opposite. He hates confrontation. He doesn't fight and even when picked on he struggles to bring himself to fight back.


A is my very rough, very active 2 year old. He is very much in the 'terrible two's'. He is very spirited and quite often plays the part of the bully in his relationship with his brother. I'm praying that this is just a stage and he too will calm down.

Trying to encourage G to keep his gentle personality in this society is proving difficult. Daddy insists that when he is picked on, he must fight back. If he doesn't fight back he only sets himself up for more bullying. Although as much as G has been told he can fight back if he needs to, he doesn't. When A steals his toys, he tells me about it. When I tell him to go get them back he struggles to fight A to get them back. Its just not in his personality to fight back.

G is very protective of me and A. He has taken to the role of big brother and eldest son very well. His protective side coupled with his gentle caring personality will set him up greatly for being a wonderful gentleman later in life. But his gentle personality is setting him up for a difficult childhoods thus far. He has only been at school for 18 weeks, and has been bullied multiple times already.

If anyone is wondering how we 'made' a gentle boy like G. I don't think that we can actually take any real credit. G is a mini Poppy, and Poppy was most wonderful kind gentleman that I will ever know. My two older brothers are also gentle natured gentleman, so obviously my up bringing nurtures such personalities. I'm quite protective of the boys, and I'm also very affectionate with them. If you have read my previous post on love, I have similar thoughts in relation to my boys. Although the unconditional love comes alot easier towards them! I am forever telling them how much I love them. We have games of  'I love you THIS <-------------> much, although its now become 'I love you *insert strange object here* much'. Lots of hugs and kisses and alot of love here.

I guess the trick for me as their mum will be to keep the gentle personality while instilling them with the self confidence to defend themselves or those they love if the need arises. A balancing act that I hope for their sake I can pull off!

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